02 April, 2012

A List of Actors We'd Rather See Play Steve Jobs Than Ashton Kutcher

April 2nd, 2012Top Story

A List of Actors We'd Rather See Play Steve Jobs Than Ashton Kutcher

By Casey Chan

A List of Actors We'd Rather See Play Steve Jobs Than Ashton KutcherApparently, Hollywood just made the kooky decision to cast Ashton "One Third of Two and a Half Men or Just 5/6th of One Man" Kutcher as the lead in an upcoming Steve Jobs biopic. Yes, there is some resemblance between Ashton and young Steve Jobs. Yes, Ashton is a famous guy. But people, he's... Ashton Kutcher.

We can do better.

Let him do Punk'd. Let him replace mad man Charlie Sheen in an awful TV show that somehow stays on the air. Let him marry Demi Moore. Let him take awkward pictures with Bruce Willis. Let him even date Rihanna. Let him be Hollywoowoo and do all the things that Hollywood celebrities do. Just don't let him play Steve Jobs. Here's a list of actors—as in people who actually act—we'd rather see play Apple's dearly departed leader before Ashton the Kutch.

A List of Actors We'd Rather See Play Steve Jobs Than Ashton Kutcher

Stanley Tucci

You can totally see it.

A List of Actors We'd Rather See Play Steve Jobs Than Ashton Kutcher

Noah Wyle

Did it pretty good before. Did it pretty good for Steve Jobs at MacWorld. Pretty good for me.

A List of Actors We'd Rather See Play Steve Jobs Than Ashton Kutcher

Larry David

He could nail the older years of Jobs if he wanted to.

A List of Actors We'd Rather See Play Steve Jobs Than Ashton Kutcher

Patrick Stewart

Nerd crowd already loves him.

A List of Actors We'd Rather See Play Steve Jobs Than Ashton Kutcher

Christian Bale

Best actor in Hollywood, proficient at being an asshole and notoriously skilled at gaining and losing weight.

A List of Actors We'd Rather See Play Steve Jobs Than Ashton Kutcher

Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul

Because there's no such thing as too much Breaking Bad or Bryan Cranston. Paul could play young Jobs, Cranston can play old Jobs.

A List of Actors We'd Rather See Play Steve Jobs Than Ashton Kutcher

Keanu Reeves

Because he's Keanu and this would make him happy. Maybe.

A List of Actors We'd Rather See Play Steve Jobs Than Ashton Kutcher

Mark Strong

As you can tell, any bald, middle aged white man is better than Ashton. Even a bald, middle aged English chap.

A List of Actors We'd Rather See Play Steve Jobs Than Ashton Kutcher

Ralph Fiennes and/or Joseph Fiennes

Or these English chaps. Would prefer Ralph to Joseph but totally cool with either and/or both.

A List of Actors We'd Rather See Play Steve Jobs Than Ashton Kutcher

CGI

Pretty sure Apple could invent some SJX software for the movie.

A List of Actors We'd Rather See Play Steve Jobs Than Ashton Kutcher

Justin Long and/or John Hodgeman

It'd be good, I swear!

A List of Actors We'd Rather See Play Steve Jobs Than Ashton Kutcher

Kermit

Because, really? Ashton Kutcher? Really?

A List of Actors We'd Rather See Play Steve Jobs Than Ashton Kutcher

Arnold Schwarzenegger and/or Tim Tebow

At least pick someone likable! Or even inspiring!

A List of Actors We'd Rather See Play Steve Jobs Than Ashton Kutcher

Justin Bieber

Or someone that'll make the movie ridiculously profitable.

A List of Actors We'd Rather See Play Steve Jobs Than Ashton Kutcher

Zooey Deschanel

Or just someone that's not Ashton Kutcher.

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